A new post

I decided to start blogging this year because firstly, its becoming too stressful to keep everything to myself, and secondly, i just wanna find sth to do to distract me from computer games:p. At least blogging is healthier than DOtA Lod...

This year is really going to be stressful. Trust me, I have prophetic powers:D. 2 weeks into the school term and I have a file with enough papers to last me two months last year. School life is so chaotic that I find myself sometimes going totally blank on what is going on in my life. The last math pop quiz was a classic example of how messed up I am. I actually can mix up sine ratio with tangent ratio.. Totaly unforgivable...

Chaotic school life + band life = dead man. I seriously dread band now. I just couldn't get anything right. Ten weeks to the SYF and my sl tells me that I have a muted tone that is so distinct from the others that even if my intonation is correct, i still sound different from my section. She asked me to do sth abt it. I asked her what? I dun know! She says, "I dunno too. Have to ask Ivory and Mr Ng." I went ><. Then I went ==. Now i feel --> *.* . What am i supposed to do? As if being put on probation is not stressful enough.. Seeing everybody succeeding in their CCA really makes me jealous. What made me such a failure in band? Was it my pessimistic and suspicious attitude towards everything? Or was it purely my stupidity and retardedness that laid the path to my own destruction in Year 4? I am not saying that I am going to quit band. Its just... so hard to satisfy myself. Even though people are seriously kind to me, but I know I am never good enough. I see everyone looking at me and questioning, why is this guy the QM? He can't even differentiate A from F #!

I did slacken nearing the end of last year and the start of this year. Because of SSEF, I had to sacrifice much of the practice hours to do the science project. Its becoming harder to juggle sch work, SSEF and Band now. So many things are burdened upon my shoulders that I feel myself shrinking from the weight of it.

I really feel like throwing everything into the wind and allowing it to traverse the land and disperse itself into countless seedlings, although to the best of my knowledge, the cruel twist of fate would turn these seedlings into giant, ominous forests...

18.1.11 @ 18.1.11